Modesty + Religious Mindset = Shame

Updated: Dec 10, 2019

When the topic of modesty is brought up, we often hear the words “cover up” but the purpose of this post touches on the other side of the spectrum- highlighting where there may have been hurt or shame from either spoken agreements or thoughts on this subject of modesty.

I’m not here to blame or point fingers but to bring people into healing and freedom.

Growing up in a christian school, wearing modest clothes was inevitable for me.

The guidelines were helpful and were set in place for a purpose.

Somehow, years later, there I was hiding under oversized clothing.

I explained to those who questioned me, that I chose over-sized clothes because of the fashion trend. I’d normally fit a size 4 in pants but would tend to look in the size 6 and 8 section.

A religious mindset still haunted me.

There was a hidden stronghold in my behavior than what just appeared on the surface.

My excuse of wearing trendy, oversized clothes or “trying” to be modest didn’t cut it.

I carried shame in the clothes I put on my body as I covered up more than enough.

I understood the freedom and authority I carried in Jesus and how he freed me from condemnation and shame.

But walking in the complete fullness in the area of modesty, I needed the supernatural hand of God to save me.

Truth #1: God wants us to be completely free from condemnation; not just to experience partial freedom in one area of our lives but He desires for His children to receive the full package.

The root of the problem I discovered:

I carried an orphan spirit mindset that gave off a false identity of the original definition of humility.

What supposedly looked like humility manifested itself into an orphan mentality in the way I lived my life.

This mindset I operated in started to bring up insecurities that poured into many areas of my life that included the subject of modesty.

I could have blamed those who placed the pressure on me to look a certain way.

I didn’t have the power to change circumstances, people's opinions, and thoughts towards how I should dress.

But several things I can be in control of:

My attitude.

My response.

My agreements.

Capturing my thoughts.

So the real problem wasn’t the people who created rules for me.

The problem was:

  1. The religion I created for myself.

  2. The religion others created that I came under.

  3. The lack of loving myself.

  4. Agreeing with lies I allowed in.

  5. Agreeing with lies spoken over me.

Truth #2- Our agreements affect every area of our lives- the things we see and the things we don’t.

"I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

Matthew 16:19

What did false humility look like for me?:

  1. Avoided being the center of attention

  2. Stayed away from posting pictures of myself.

  3. Struggled with receiving.

  4. Lived in the mindset that I didn’t deserve to receive good things.

  5. There was a clear difference between how God loved me and how I loved myself.

  6. Only shopped at second hand shops.

  7. Would be quick in helping others but would forget to help myself.

  8. Felt like I didn’t have the time to put on makeup/do my hair.

In the end, I believe modesty is all about the heart and intentionality.

If you have trouble with dressing modest or worry if you are not being modest enough, ask the Holy Spirit where the root of the issue is before you blame boys, fellow school-mates, your teacher, or your mom.

I am here to remind you that you are His beloved.

He has so much love he wants to pour over you.

You are fully seen and he loves every part of you.

The parts you hate about yourself, He crafted so perfectly.

He knows the very words that have hurt you.

The lies that repeatedly run through your mind.

The Father wants to clothe you with His thoughts.

Receive His love that pierces through the lies, and casts out every fear.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth

and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband—

the Lord Almighty is his name—”

Isaiah 54:4

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