Redefining Singleness + Marriage + Feminism
My PNW friend, Julia Green wrote this article. Julia is a professor, collaborator, writer, photographer, speaker, and daughter of God.
One of the positives of being unmarried is that you’re able to watch and learn from friends who get married before you. One thing I’ve observed is that it’s tough to be a woman and a wife in this culture that teaches you to be egocentric and feminist to the extreme.
I’m sure it’s tough to be a man as well, but I’m a woman and I’ve just been noticing some things.
Culture says: “It’s all about you! Your career is more important than loving your husband. Your success is more important than your husbands. “The future is female.”
All men hate women and have bad intentions with them, so give the men what they deserve. Belittle them with your language and actions. Disrespect your husband and talk about him to all your friends behind his back.
Roll your eyes in disgust when he makes mistakes. Tell him that he’s a scumbag, instead of encouraging and uplifting him into his true God-given identity. Control him (sneakily, and through manipulation) because he’s dumb and wouldn’t make it without you, the smarter one.
Start becoming like a man- be as aggressive as him and physically fit as him. Hang out with other guys to make your husband jealous. Distract yourself with classes and activities and friends so that you don’t have to spend time with him.
Cooking, cleaning, mothering, making a house a cozy home, and loving your husband is degrading to you. Changing your last name is also degrading. Having kids is too much work and would take away from your career. The list goes on and on...
And then these women wonder why they don’t feel loved, and why their marriage is in shambles... Obviously, these are extremes, but we see this role of a woman portrayed all around us. I’m not trying to teach, just sharing what I’ve been observing and learning throughout my single years.
You see, God created women to be everything a man is not. Your beauty, your softness, your wisdom, your gentleness, your encouragement, your prayers, your natural mothering ability, your helping skills, your business skills, your ministry, your passions and interests were meant to be a compliment to a man in marriage, not a competition.
I’m not married, but I’ve observed and learned that marriage is meant to be a team, and those couples who see it like a team last. On any sports team you always work with your teammate! YOU lose the second you stop working with your teammate, because you’re a team.
Imagine if your teammate was constantly telling you how terrible you were, if they were constantly putting you down every time you dropped the ball. Now think about how much more successful you would be if every time you fumbled or tripped, your teammate helped you back up and encouraged you to try again!
You either win together or lose together- it’s not one or the other. Just some things I’ve observed, but like I said- just sharing the things I think about and trying to make good use of my singleness by learning.
I’m obviously not experienced in marriage so I’m not trying to teach anyone anything haha I’m sure it’s easier said than done, but this is the type of character I’m praying to have someday in marriage.
- Julia Green